Rambo.

I was watching "Rambo I - First Blood" the other day.
There was not a single thing on TV I guess that was worth watching. So basically I "re-watch" since the last time I ever
watch it was when I was 4 I guess. Haha.

Towards the last scene.

 * * *

"It's over, Johnny. This mission is over!"

"Nothing is over! Nothing!"

Trautman: You did everything to make this private war happen. You've done enough damage. This mission is over, Rambo.
Do you understand me? This mission is over! Look at them out there! Look at them! If you won't end this now,
they will kill you. Is that what you want? It's over Johnny. It's over!
Rambo: Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my war! You asked me, I didn't ask you!
And I did what I had to do to win! But somebody wouldn't let us win! And I come back to the world and I see
all those maggots at the airport, protesting me, spitting. Calling me baby killer and all kinds of vile crap!
Who are they to protest me? Who are they? Unless they've been me and been there and know what the hell they're yelling
about!
Trautman: It was a bad time for everyone, Rambo. It's all in the past now.
Rambo: For *you*! For me civilian life is nothing! In the field we had a code of honor, you watch my back,
I watch yours. Back here there's nothing!
Trautman: You're the last of an elite group, don't end it like this.
Rambo: Back there I could fly a gunship, I could drive a tank, I was in charge of million dollar equipment,
back here I can't even hold a job *parking cars*!

 * * *

Rambo: We were in this bar in Saigon and this kid comes up, this kid carrying a shoe-shine box.
And he says "Shine, please, shine!" I said no. He kept askin', yeah, and Joey said "Yeah."
And I went to get a couple of beers, and the box was wired, and he opened up the box, fucking blew his body all over
the place. And he's laying there, he's fucking screaming. There's pieces of him all over me, just...
[Takes off his bandolier]
Rambo: like this, and I'm tryin' to pull him off, you know, my friend that's all over me! I've got blood and
everything and I'm tryin' to hold him together! I'm puttin'... the guy's fuckin' insides keep coming out! And nobody
would help! Nobody would help! He's saying, sayin' "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" He keeps calling my name! "I wanna
go home, Johnny! I wanna drive my Chevy!" I said "With what? I can't find your fuckin' legs! I can't find your legs!"

 * * *

I had a hard time finding myself since then.

I couldn't tell a story that has too many recurring events. Sometimes I just thought those days were just "another nightmares" that I couldn't forget.

It just keeps on coming to make you regret what you didn't accomplish back then.

Where are you all?
I have never wished myself to be remembered.
I don't wish the things I did to be remembered.
I only wish everyone of you in good shape and happy all the way.

If only memories relived, the way we live, eat and sleep together, I think it could break me down. "Live together, die together", the code of honor we hold in our hearts forever, so that we may live as brothers in arms.

I had a hard time finding myself after 2 years there.  I couldn't really find my spirit to continue my life after few depressing moments. I didn't get any matriculation or any offers for foundation programs in universities. I couldn't find a place to work or study, even if I was qualified to do so.

My dreams shattered right before me. But I thank God.
Finally I found somewhere in this world after a few years. Two more years to be exact, I found a place where I could rise up and leave what was behind me.

Political Science suits me, Sarawak. Feels good.

Thank you for making me stronger. From then until now.
434569 OP Amir Asyraf Amir Hassan.
Bravo Company - '1011.
20140213.