Starless Moon.

HEY I GOT IT BACK! ;D

What do I have like now? Ideas, stories and jazz music. ;))
Andddddddddddddddd, good food.

I cook. heh. ;)
But I didn't tell when am I going to post. hehe.

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Starless Moon. II.

Deux.

"You remember the first time we met? Of what we talked about?"
"Dreams. Wasn't it?"
"Yeah. Now I am almost 40 looking back like something that aged me, when I was 20 something."
"You been thinking, hmm?"

She sipped down her throat, clearing up something on her mind. A trail of tears start to flow out from her eyes, as she looks away to the skyline of Kuala Lumpur from the balcony. The sun was about to rise, as its overflowing rays was thickening out of the marshmallow clouds. The twin towers of Petronas was gleaming in dark, with the sunrays flanking from behind, drawing an outline.

"Having a dream that you know you could go far is, but you are lagged by differences in opinions and forces."
"What kind of differences? If you want to make changes, you have to make amends. Not throwing things away. I've forgotten about that Hanoi incident already. It's alright, we can work this out."

She turned around, shook her head and says, "It's too late already."
She stood and pulled over her luggages, rolling out of the door.

"But what about Aysun? You don't think she too had dreams? You're the first woman of her life that she'll ever knew! If it's the corruption issue at your workplace, then we can explain that it wasn't your fault."

I breathed out calmly. "You did the right thing."

She paused. Halting every breaths of her cries.

"I didn't. I did not."
"Sophia. This is so not you."

She turned around, looking straight into my eyes.

"And that is why, you have not known me well."

And so she left with the taxi, long before the horizon brigthens any further.

It's still dark outside.
And all those, was just three years ago.

*          *          *

"Dan, Dan."

A distant voice, calling my name by my side. Throughout this, all that work of being salaryman I always carried upon my shoulder seems so light. As though I have lifted up into the air. That feeling of carrying a heavy bag on your shoulder and then suddenly someone pulls it up over for you. 

"I feel light. I feel lighter than ever before." that's what I thought.

All I see is that distant darkness, appears in front of me throughout all the time. With the image Sophia slowly walking away to the taxi, suddenly whirls and wraps around the centre like a paint mixed into water. Then it all turned black. 

It's a dark sea, that I have been drowned into. With the sound of the waves above me, drifting ashore, hitting the rocks and boats pass by, creating a resonance of crest and trough waves. Here underneath, is me. Watching that light fading away. 

What is this sadness. What is this sorrow. With all the grasp of my hand I feel so slow. It feels so cold. It is so cold. It is deep now, let me lay rest. Fall asleep forever. All my years of singing. All my years of loving. Let it be, let it be, let it be.

"Adieu."

Had I really let go of things from my hands? Had I really let go of what I really treasured? After all, life is just what we borrow from Him. 

But just living, breathing, comes with responsibility. 

Aysun may be bright. But she would be like a wilt-flower, if the care she needed was not enough. After all, I still have things to do. Things, that I must do.

"Dan!"

That voice, again.

What is so sudden above me was, there's a light as small as led-light. It then grew larger, larger than a spotlight. Larger than the sky. Brighter than the moon. Intense than the sun. 

"Oy." he sighs. Still blurry, coming from such intense light, I saw a face of a man with his mouth curving upwards. I can tell he's smiling. 

"Hey man! You've made it, dude Dan's woke up already!" 

It was Chong, screaming on top of his lungs. 

"Chong, Ben. What the hell happen?" I asked.

"You were uh, hit by a van. That's what I happen."

My eyebrows wrinkled. My brain goes mindblown. "You're kidding."

"Dude." Chong interjected, "You think me, Ben, anyone else would make you lie down on a bed? We're not so lifeless. You've been here for two days, you know."

I smirked, over my oxygen mask. 

"That nurse just now might be a cosplayer." 

"And that nurse changed your pants." 

"You didn't have to tell that, Ben."

The whole atmosphere turned awkward. With me saying shit. We laughed.

Then we'd chat around, with Ben and Chong telling a few jokes. Talking back of our boss. With them being here, I only worried that this ward might be noisier. Can't help it. I'd just have to go with the flow. Still, who would've brought soft drink cans and bottles to hospital anyway? 

"Ben, you idiot! You can't smoke here!" Chong takes away the cigarette that he was about to light up.

"Okay, okay. Give it back to me, man. I'll keep it. But pretty much the same with you bringing soft drinks for a sick guy."

"Still, retard!"

And it has been awhile I hadn't got that much of laugh. Work, was all I had on my mind. And then picking Aysun from school. Make dinner for her, then I would sleep. 

It has been awhile since I had long, feeling so youthful like this. Being around with your friends. I thought this feeling would ended after you started working. But probably somewhere around there. Somewhere around here, I have been ignorant. About those of who I really treasured, as whole in life. 

Ben sips up a soft drink from his can, bending over on a chair towards me. "You saved a life, you know."

"What?"

Chong was leaning on a facade, right next to a window. "You did."

I told them, that I didn't remember anything. My head feels slightly dizzy, and I barely remember anything the past few days. They told me that the doctor said that I have a concussion. So regaining memory might be well in a few days or so. Depends. And in the meanwhile I did. I saved a woman's life, from a snatch theft.

It is now past the visiting hours. And they had to leave. 

"You're working tomorrow, right?" I said, expressing my concern. I told him thanks and all of that. But they told me not to bother it, because that's what friends are for. It's been a while hearing that line, "that's what friends are for." Last I heard it was in my varsity years.

I wonder what happened too, to my high school friends. What lives might they lead, and what kind of errands that they are running into. And where on earth have they been. It's been awhile. It's been long. 

They also told me that Aysun was under the care of my older sister and they told me not to worry about it because Aysun was doing well. Especially hearing that I saved someone's life, she was especially happy. Told everyone that her dad was strong. That made me at least, rest. My worries now evaporate slowly.

They were right. I needed to get rest as much as possible so I could speed my recovery. 

And yes, I finally remembered a woman that I saved in a carpark. But either I couldn't remember who she is or a complete stranger at all. So how did the van appeared to hit me?

I tried to think over it but my mind tells me to sleep. My eyes became heavier. My thoughts spins around and my eyelids came to close. I then, sleep. 

A day pass by with the night being consumed by the light. I woke up with a hospital food right in front of me. An apple, a small carton of juice and a bread toasts with tuna. I looked at outside my window, with the scene and the view of Kuala Lumpur high rise buildings topping the sky. 

The doctor and a few nurses came this morning. They told me I should be progressing well and recovering in a few days. Though they insists, I should rest. 

My older sister packs a few pairs of clothes and a novel of Yukio Mishima's "The Sound of Waves" and Haruki Murakami's "Sputnik Sweetheart" in a small gym bag. A smaller pocket on the side contains my mp3 and a small portable speaker with a note from Aysun. 

"Ayah! Listen to number #3! It feels a little lonely without anyone here playing guitar. Get well sooner! 

- Aysun"

"Buruk gila tulisan." I said, with a smile. 

Then I played the song #3 that she placed here, and it was her playing piano of a Malay jazz song by Tilu, Ku Bukan Aku. It was just her, playing the piano and nothing else. So the peaceful day kept on going like that, with me flicking my books. The rays of sunshine slowly began to enter the space of the ward. I am the only one in that room. 

How long has it been since, I got to sit somewhere or lie down, and do what I wanted to do.

A knock came in. It's just 10.20am. A woman dressed in a black blouse with black cardigan. Inside, she wore a white collar t-shirt that had floral blossom patch along the buttons from top to bottom and a short white silk scarf hangs losely around her neck. "Are you Mr. Dan?", she asked. I nodded, still curious. Who is she?

She presented herself and insists me to call her Yukino. I didn't get her last name, which is to tell you the truth, I'm pretty bad at names. I only happen to remember Yukino because things weren't this calm, unlike the office where I had to jot down everything I'd have to remember. She told me that she was the one that I saved. I still can't remember things that well, though I supposed I did it out of sincerity.

"It's fine, really. You don't have to trouble yourself all the way coming here."

"No, it's fine. It's my way of saying thanks. And I brought few souvenirs. But you don't really remember anything, do you?"

"I supposed no, not yet." 

We both turned quiet, wondering off out from our minds. 

I then started, "You wanna go outside? There's a garden nearby. We could talk over there."

"Is it fine, I mean..."

"Sure it is. It's boring sitting here all day." 

We both smiled, and head our way to a garden nearby. Next to the garden is a rehabiliation facility. Out of it was a corridor, that leads to the garden. There, there was a view. A view of the scenery of KL. 

"You could stand?" asked Yukino.

"Wouldn't be over here, if I couldn't." I said with a laugh. 

So Yukino told me how things happened. Yukino works as a news reporter and a columnist. She was on a business trip here, and trying to get a coverage of an international conference in Malaysia. On the way to hotel, her handbag was snatched, right after she came out from an elevator with me. We were in the same elevator but we were complete strangers. She panicked. There I appeared to chase the guy. I managed to get it back but a van somehow sped up in an opposite direction hitting me. 

With all that happened, it was Yukino who called in the ambulance. It was Yukino who called in the ambulance.

With that memory strayed into my mind, the sun that glow far apart made me think had I valued and enjoyed this life that I currently had.

*          *          *

Rileks brader, ada lagii. 

Woah I seriously didn't think I was going to be real busy. I found myself little time for writing. 

Work, rugby, driving. Wtf altogether. 

At least there's no studying haha.

"There is no life that isn't worth living."

Asyraf Amir.