Staying Forever.

"Kita dah macam family, kan?"
Words said from my friends.

Like family?
I don't know, but I guess not yet. Or we haven't reach there, I told them honestly.

Back then, I was from a trip to Malacca with my friends. On the last day, we bid farewells,
caught the last train and off to home.

The wind was really blowing on towards me, my cheeks started to get dry by that cold air.
I didn't know whether it was from the atmosphere around me or the air-conditioner on the train
I board earlier.

One by one left. I was the last one, a long way to go to KL Sentral.

When I think back, it was such a long journey. Though it wasn't the first time I was on a
trip. And I wouldn't call it a trip. It was more like a vacation. There was a little hustle,
a little time where we needed to rush over things but, it was okay. And yeah, there wasn't
any teachers around of course.

I changed my seat from the long seats where you get to share your seat with another person to a
single chair, right off from the train's door.

Sitting on the chair, I observed the people moving by. It was such a contenting feeling, but
at the same time it was uneasy. It has been so long that I haven't been in this way.
Hearing strangers chatting loud.
Hearing lovers fooling around.
Hearing footsteps passing by.

It wasn't unusual, because I have felt this kind of loneliness before. And all the kinds of
memories replays back through my mind. I am not being gloomy or worried.

I was thinking. If 20 years then from now, will we still be laughing at our good times?
Or are we just going to forget about how does things work back when we're young?
Everyone wants to be remembered.
But what will be, be remembered for?
Will we just be forgotten through time?

My mind at that time was like a full cup of tea that is overflowing with thoughts. It can't fit,
but I still thought about it like a fool. I wasn't able to forget it, erase them with ease.

How can we call a family if we still have doubts with each other?
How can we call a family if the members aren't completely united?

The way we say goodbye to each other was so light, as if though we weren't missing each other.
We were still having secrets. We were still having our mouths sealing away to make others
dying for happiness. From lies.

I didn't mean to sound direct, but my thoughts came in as I said, like an overflowed cup of tea.
In the end, it won't look good if anyone of us said,

"Are we really friends?"

We were full of doubts will everyone. Trust became unworthy. Words became lies.
We were still doubting with the word friends, which is to trust each other, to know one another
and to rely onto one another.

I just didn't know what else could I say. If we were to pretend our courtesy of doing things,
if there wasn't any honesty in the first place, what kind of friendship would you call that?

Surely one would stab each other. Only time, waits.

If we could remember how we've met in the first place, how we shake our hands and present our names, could we still remember every little details that we told each other?

By selfishness, we turned our backs, thinking for ourselves.

In the end, those who put an effort for a stronger friendship, are left out like rubbish on
the streets, like an idiot who won't learn any more than he knows now.

Say, are all the laughs are just like an empty jar? The cover is beautiful but there was nothing
inside?

Why do we have to hate, when we were still friends?
Why do we have to diss, when we know it hurts their honour and pride?

I'm afraid that one day, we were strangers when we first know. We were friends when we were
together. Outside and after that, we were back to become strangers again.
Was there such things as stay forever?

And if we happen to meet again.
Will we still be greeting each other?

I have known the meaning of "a family of friends" and felt the stronger bond of trust between
friends. I have also knew those who would leave once we were no use to them.

Why do we quarrel longer than we shouldn't, when we know we were friends?

Egoistic. Selfish.
It raped, took over our good personality.
We hurt others with words. We hurt those who were silent, resilient over quarrels and fights.
You know that silence won't stay long.

In the major ends, we would only part, leave to our own future, rejoicing what's good not something from today. But yesterday.
"It was only yesterday, was a nice day."

It is sad, if it ends that way.
Asyraf Amir. 20131118.