Tiba-tiba aku terasa nak tulis blog, tapi tak ada idea yang begitu bernas.
Aku pun ambil gitar aku, betulkan tune-nya.
Aku bermain lagu konayuki, celine dion, dan beberapa buah klasik. Gitar yang aku ada pun tali nylon, "classical guitar", kata kawan-kawanku.
Lepas beberapa buah lagu aku mainkan, aku rasa begitu cepat masa berlalu dan hari menyilih ganti. Aku fikir balik, rupanya kita sekarang sudah umur sudah hampir 20 tahun.
Pernahkah kau terfikir 20 tahun yang akan datang?
* * *
A few days ago, I went back home from college with my friends.
It's been so long I haven't been home and you have to imagine what could've been better than not having a nice cup of coffee, no work and no worries in the morning.
Anyways, after a few hours of hustle in the bus, a few foreign workers quarelling with the bus driver because they didn't pay the fare and a long walk to the train, passing few deepavali stalls & shops which they even did a blockade, we sat down, rest and have a few laughs in the train.
Then there was a lady who came passing by, knowing we were students and asks us about our studies and life. Life is wavy and hard, you could put that way.
She told us she was a banker, works as an accountant. I didn't bother much about what she was saying because all that interests her is science, since we are all science students. And blegh, I kept quiet my dislike away in silence. The only thing I asked her was, was there any of her friends taking literature or what but she didn't really answer me, telling that there are a few of her friends who did took something unrelated after their jobs.
Though very talkative, she looked quite fussy and flusters around easily, about us giving seats to elders. I realized that it was satirical, but I didn't bother about it because she only points our bad features. Such as our pointers and so on.
Oh God. And in the train, we were the only ones who was really loud, laughing, talking. A lot of stares had been given to us, with some even giggling about our conversations and how we teased back the lady. Me? Facepalms everywhere.
There were six of us. The train arrives at KL Central station and all six of us deboards the train. But it was then, we bid our goodbye to each other, shaking hands and shoulder hits and hugs, and then it was only me and my friend who was in the same class with me, since we were the only ones who lives in KL.
Others were from northern parts of Selangore.
It was a little funny because on that time, we have a little similarities. We wore t-shirts tucked in, shoes everything. Except for the bags and trousers. I got guitar, a shoulder bag, sports bag and I was wearing slim-fit jeans. He didn't wear jeans, it was a skinny-fit khakis and he only had a pull luggage, the huge one with an airport tag KLIA. Reminds me of having a luggage that says CDG, an airport in France.
The whole time we sit next to each other. I joked about him being a successful business man, since he looked like he came straight out of the airport.
We remembered about the woman, telling us about her executive officer, having a salary somewhere above RM8000 and he was just 19 like us. I then relate the situation to my friend here, and he started saying things about future.
"Tapi kau rasa, 20 tahun akan datang nanti, macam mana? Bila kau, aku, budak-budak ni jumpa balik."
"Entah lah. Siapa tak nak berjaya, kan? Aku pun risau jugak pointer aku, takut tak dapat pulak 3.00 . "
"Boleh. Kita dah lama kat sana, percaya aja."
We shake our hands, hug and wave off goodbye. People kept on walking on the opposite sides, talking to their handphones and the sound of a man serenade with a guitar resounds even when I was far away from him. While walking, I was thinking. Yes, what could've we been, 10 or 20 years later?
Who knew that someday someone next to me was going to be a real businessman or an engineer. Or even a lecturer studying far away. But hell, that could've been anyone's luck or job, right? Aside me was a guy worrying about his future with his pointer, the other four guys was talking seems about so and talked earlier about their future and stuff.
But what about me?
Standing in the middle of crowd, looking into the faces of people, moving on in their scene of life, I didn't really know what other thoughts should I thinked of.
Had I done something wrong, this can't be, or rather this shouldn't be the time where I should say the things about I have regretted. Because I've came this far, and seen so many kinds of failures around me.
Going back in an unfinished cause, is something that I would never do. I mean, there's no ending to it, if we gave up or lose in something that we were sure that we can actually do.
So I grabbed a coffee in starbucks, pass him the bill.
Sat down around, and tell myself how long has it been that I haven't been so relaxing like this? When would this be over, what am I were to do?
I looked at myself, how had I changed with time. My hair obviously did not looked like when I was in the military. My face, self, it all had changed.
The unwary future that we seem to talk about when were kids, and up until now. Is it right to be worrying about it? There seems to be a bigger responsibility then that I would took later. As a leader, as a man, or much scarier later as a father.
But the biggest dilemma that everyone wants to avoid, is getting stuck into the same mess that you have been through. The same failure that you have been through.
We wanted to changed, but is the changed, really is right for ourselves? Are we even prepared to be slapped by the realities of life? Should we, or should we not move on? What would happen, if we didn't?
That is the biggest dilemma, that leaves any of us on a tip toe. On the verge of choosing "Yes" or "No".
But the answer why we hesitate about making decisions in life, is because we fear to lose what we have now.
The fear is imminent. The fear exists in everyone.
Don't ask why does our life must be lead into this way. Why are we always on our dilemma.
We have never been astray and left behind. We thought we are alone, and yes we do feel alone but we weren't the ones who are tested in this thing.
The only thing you need after hardwork and your timeless efforts, are courage and faith.
These are what people lack in their life.
It's true, that I too fear it, you fear it, we all fear about it. What is, not easy in this life. I've been always taught "to be easy is to be hard at first". The principles of life always works on that way.
You know.
There's a French saying, "La confiance peut déplacer des montagnes."
It means, "Faith can move mountains."
So do, have a little a faith inside you.
A tout a l'heure.
Asyraf Amir. 20131104.
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