What about if you're alone? There must be something that makes you smile all by yourself.
There are small things in life that makes me happy when I'm alone. Coffee, memories and what I see.
I was thinking. If we were to lose all the sense that comes to us. Like our friends. Our family. And everything, would we be able to make ourselves happy?
Of course turning old is easy. Just close your eyes and let the time pass by. But turning to be matured isn't. It requires tremendous of strength, mental and good psychology. You know in short, if you're screwed, you won't choose to do something stupid. You'd stay calm and think of solutions. Even at your finest hours of meltdown, failures and lying down low to earth. Not many can do it. Not many can stay strong. Not many can refrain themselves from crying, until they find out their eyes are already dried. Because they forgot how to become sad.
Most of the times, we think we were right, while we were actually wrong. We think we were strong, but we weren't.
As I saw some people were really happy of getting an offer to this and there. I was like, awesome and congratulations. I guess they were really happy about it and having some kinds of joy.
Everyone was happy. But little did they knew how many things they will have to face, more and more. Meaning hard times would probably appear. Little did, they knew. I guess.
At some moments, I really had nothing to do. So hitting a coffee shop, going to CC. I found out that is somehow "calm" or "entertaining", by myself. Sometimes I took photos of nature, it seems like I'm too old or what. But I thought no wonder old people do these kind of stuff. Because they were alone, waiting for their days to end.
But I saw kids who hold their mother's/father's hands. They were probably about 3 years old or what. I wish I were them back. Not knowing how big the world is. Not knowing how politics life are. And constantly having the warmth of your loved ones beside you.
I just don't know. I took a sip of my coffee and read back my novel I was reading "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman" by Haruki Murakami. Everyone was spending their time like "under the sunshine". And etc.
After graduating from high school, there were many things that I find out by myself. Before, during and after. It's like whole ton chains of events happening. It get's yourself confused a bit. But from time to time, you start to get a little better. Coping with every situation.
I've been to some "survival mode" situation. It's not that I'm proud of it. It's an old story after all. It sticks to you like some historical moments of yourself. The main point that I wanna say is that I learned in every failures, you got to endure them with calmness. Or everything would just basically, go screwed.
It was in some Perak-Pahang border. Some where on Banjaran Titiwangsa jungles. Yes, what I meant was, it is dense. Water was running out. Barely have some. My company mates are separated, with some in the front, some on the back. I was told to tell the other guys in front to slow down the pace, even if were on the race. We got some injured ones. I don't blame the ones who were slow, because they were injured. I don't blame the ones who were fast, because they were suppose to be like that. But the thing is, we gotta stay in one group. That's the point.
I went out alone. The water I collected earlier on the riverside ran out a bit. "Shit", I thought. It was hot. The road were red dusty sands. Feels so hot. I only have thought of going back home and having ice-tea. That's what driven me to finish the run. Yes, you do feel lost. Thank God, there were trails. And no, after that there were still how many kilometers was it. haha.
So, how was my school days? It was like this. Running here and there, laughing, joy and fun. I wonder if I'll have them again.
What should I write, more?
And so all the days where I had been so laid back will end soon. What's more after that? I didn't know Post-Rock music are good. It's like indie songs without words. haha.
MONO JAPAN.
Farewell.
Asyraf Amir.20120610.
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