Termenung.

Sometimes, I sit down and think for awhile. But it is true what they say, when you think, you will hurt even more, to yourself.

Be it all kinds of problems you may have, it seems light and hope is something you desperately need. Humans light a fire when they're out to survive in the jungles. If they fail to, it would demoralized them.
It goes the same to people. When they think hope is just too impossible and too far to achieved, they would start to think what would happen in the future.

But fear is what makes us strong, right? I was always thought the greatest enemy in your life, is yourself.

Tomorrow is the day of the result. The SPM 2011 batch result. For what 2 years I've done might as well be showed tomorrow. When I think of it, I imagine to close my eyes.
I worry of what would happen to the future. What would happen in a short meanwhile. I feel every of my steps has its consequences. As if I was walking on a thin line. If I fall, I fall.

"Apakah apa yang aku lakukan ini betul?" I asked.

I would not blame my stupidity or unwise actions I've done back then. But I would blame myself for every wrong moves I made, as it also affects other people. Pride, responsibility, honor and so on.
It is somehow strange. Somehow uncommon. I felt less like a student. It was more like an occupation. Sometimes what you did good to others was not remembered. Sometimes what you did you think was right made other people mad at you. But that was how a leader is made, that I was taught about of. You still have to stood strong and have a little of pride. Ignore of what people may say to you, to think about it, is only a childish. They are probably being like one. And to get hurt of it, means you are not matured enough. You just have to smile.

I am not trying to be mellow or sad. I would happily share some good moments and write it. But how could you do it, when you don't have a heart in doing it? Not that I am being pessimist, but I guess it would go out the same like the others did.
But I am here not to write anything about tomorrow. More likely about days and years to come.

Every time I see my seniors and past-seniors walking proudly with their blazer and smiling of their achievements, my mind only thought of "I'll soon be like you." Some even did tell how happy they were studying abroad, but my thoughts are only the same. "I'll soon be like you."

But really? How can one perform it when he knew his chances are only about 40%? It's barely than half. But I was really optimist. I proudly stood for what I believe. But yet I myself didn't know whether it would work out, much or less.

I was watching some programs on TV, something that touches on the subject of faith. Why do we believe in our faith. Why do we believe things we cannot see.
She drew a metaphor of electricity. We can't really see the electrons flowing or "see" how powerful it is. But do we have the bravery to put it on our hand? There we knew already, it is dangerous. She was right. We can't see it. But we believe it, it convinces our heart the electric flow exist. So does faith.

Dreams are really beautiful. There is no limit to any stupidity or nonsensical. It is fine as long as you think it's "fine". What made people still thinking is how could a lump of metal could fly. And that is aeroplane. And that is my dream. ;))

Though it was really hard of what to reply to others "what do you wanted to be?". I replied of the same answer of what I wanted to be, even if I knew it was hard of to become in the first place.
I guess it has to live that way. And I wish for everyone the best and live a happy life. And of course, success in everything of what you do.

Oh. It seems cloudy today, this morning. Should I go out? haha. ;D
Asyraf Amir. 20120320.