Dreams. What are they?

Probably this is the 2nd time I am writing this, previously I got 7As. Probably some people are going through my same shoe. I believe there is ray of hope. Needless to say about it, my struggle does not end today. You shall see I become something and someday, ayah.
I somehow kinda said this to myself, for my dreams, for my old man.

I laid my head to rest as I heard my own fate over my result. It was nothing, I couldn't do it any better, but my expectation certainly hasn't reach its best optimum. Thinking about it, I remember my friends and teachers quotes about this.

"Kebahagian yang kita impikan selama ini tidak semestinya kita memikinya."

They are damn right. I wasn't surprised. I wasn't happy neither nor sad. Somehow that aura of melancholy just flows to my veins, like adrenaline. As if I was shot by a bullet, which represents the truth. It hurts, but I painfully accept it. Probably I am spared for something else.

However, I cannot contain my overflowing feelings of accepting it. As if I feel there was no way, not any chance for myself to gain my dreams. Gone, by the wind. As if my luck was running out, like a car ran out of fuel.

But I continue to lie to myself. However dark the road you may be into, there is someway a path to light. Yes, light. Meaning there is hope. But where, what was it? I was previously an opportunist, but now I question myself. Will I be able to challenge the world, with what I only had? Nobody answered. I wasn't a student anymore. I realized that, far long ago. Even when I was a student and "cadet" back then, I knew the question of life, must be answered by my own self. It means I must exploit with my own strength and weakness. God was probably showing me something.

What is hope, after all? Everyone says it so lightly as if it is something they could take it out from the grocery store so easily. Everyone says it so lightly, that it is already there on their hands. Even I did. I used to. I repeat, I used to.
But if I say this, will I mean to actually not acknowledging the hope inside myself? Even if how much am I defeated to this world, I will not acknowledge myself to be like this. I believe there is hope. But it is hard, to achieve it.

But my words was right. The world is capitalistic. Everyone is racing each other. Everyone is surpassing each other. Everyone is overpowering, outnumbering each other. Everyone just tries to be the best. It was all about competition and survival. Probably this is just round 1.
In boxing, there are 3 rounds for amateur boxing match, usually more for pro-boxing match. Usually fights ended before the fourth round starts. But if you're strong, you shall then continue. The moment when you hit someone on the face and he rolls down on the ground, you felt some sort of pride, as if you really want to score a KO. But the moment when he hits you on the face and your vision starts to become blurry. You came to thought about, "could I really do this?". The answer was just really simple, it is to stand up and continue.

 

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"
- Rocky Balboa. 

(that boxing movie, you know)

At evening as usual, you know it's just normal for me to go have some running or jog a bit. But today, I really did ran like I ran away from something, from this world. I think of nothing, but my own dreams to be achieve. Hell, really it did happen.

I hope this motivates you and even if you were to lazy to read everything. Well I hope your life turns out something much meaningful or successful.

Where will I go. Where?
Asyraf Amir. 20120322.