Dream High.

"Kemarahan adalah kebodohan . Ketabahan adalah kekuatan."

That is something I always believed in and say to myself I had always wanted to fly.
But life always had a time limit. Like a stopwatch.

Ever since I was a kid, I was fascinated by how Tom Curise played his act as "Maverick" in Top Gun as a Fighter Pilot. Back then, I didn't quite understood of what his roles were and what was he doing. Only now I knew he flew F-14 fighter jet and he is a naval pilot officer. haha.
Aside from that, all I know when I was 4, he was just some guy killing bad guys.

But that was not all. All time in my childhood, I had always went to airport to accompany my father taking people from Malaysia in Swiss.

So it was usual, that I had always see men in uniforms with necktie and coat. Much elegant we see is their hats and dragging their luggage. Walking confidently and next to them are beautiful stewardess.

And I was like "pergh!" O.O

Even though they weren't from the military, I just thought that anyone actually can fly. I clearly remember how blue the sky was, and how the sheep-like clouds look alike. More to it, there is an aeroplane flying drawing trails of clouds.

Then I grew up, older and so. That I had forgotten what I really wanted to become. I've thought of becoming an automobile engineer, a race car driver and then even to a prime minister or things related to leadership.
And finally I didn't know what I were to become. And I didn't know what I really wanted to become of. I have forgotten long about being a pilot.

I realize I wasn't so good of things like calculating and stuff. It didn't even interest me by bit. I just bust the way all through and what only interest me is logics and things that don't require counting. I was also good in physical activities like sports. I was  the so-so type. I was just average.

I remembered seeing an aeroplane flying, drawing trails of cloud. And I thought about of my childhood dreams. I remember standing on the marching field and I happen to saw them. I whispered, "God, I wish I was the one commandeering that thing."

Fine, it may seem to be illogical, more like childish. Like the ones in the movies but this ain't made up. Because it sound so ridiculous that I remember my purpose of becoming a pilot.

"I just wanted to fly."

It was not the story of making big money and fame. It wasn't. It was just passion.

Yes it's true I study. But for what purpose? Did I have an objective, a clear objective? Gaining 10A+ wasn't all. I just feel there's more to it other than gaining 10A+ and parading it to my parents. Of course, they feel happy. Of course, it is my duty to my own faith. I just feel my goals are not clear enough.

I realized I have been so foolish. If I had been sticking to become a pilot since I was 4 years old, I would've probably having a clearer goal what I really wanted to be, in life.

But God is Great. He showed me my flaws and mistakes I could've done. And probably if I had been sticking to it all the time, my dream would have probably become what the Malays called "angan-angan mat jenin."

My struggle, is nothing more than to gain 10A+ like the other kids the same age like me. It is a common goal for ever students. But when I felt down and feel the goal is farther than myself reaching it, I realized that I do not have a clear objective. A long term objective that would keep me motivated. A long term objective that would keep my strength, like a steel.

Of course, tears are never an option. Men do not cry.

It sores my eyes and aches my heart to see if other people could be so successful in what their doing, why not me?

As long as the sky is wide and blue that we may not know how much is the volume, I believe dreams are as just the same and how wide it is. It is infinite.
But we flatter. We didn't know what would happen next.

Behind every men's fear, there's a growing worry of his future.

Tunggu esok, dan seterusnya. ;))
Asyraf Amir. 20120319.