My Way.

When I looked at my past pictures, I realized that I didn't live a quiet life. Quite contrary to how I lived my life in the past, there is a stark contrast of between adventurism and mundane journey.

I made the most of my off days by staying at home and visiting my buddies when I was in university. Not to forget Izzul who was my desk mate back in RMC.

I did have few laughs with them. Bantering few shorts of old stories but in there, I saw my old self. Back then, I involved myself with a lot of volunteering and even student activism since I was a political science student. I was really active in societies.

Of course all that wonderful life had ups and downs. It wasn't all down to a beautiful road. It made me what I am.

The only problem was the mindset that I had at the time was fighting to believe what was right. Idealism and reality often conflicted between what could be accomplished and what couldn't. As I jumped into working life, that became harder as you have a hierarchical system you need to work with.

Being yourself and having your own individuality as your personal image diminished even more when you got yourself to a uniformed body.

I don't like being hypocrite about what was right and wrong. But being in a system which people look towards you as someone to refer to, I had to set an example. And that is even harder to stay true to yourself. How do you expect to be straight as a ruler 24 hours following rules? You have to adapt and be flexible. I don't myself struggling in that area. Just as any other person, everyone is learning the process.

It took me awhile to realize why did I chose to be as a uniformed personnel. I love my country. I want to serve with the way that I love. I didn't want to be stagnant. I want a life that does not bring trouble to anyone. I want to be at peace, even if I know that will be a bit difficult. Back then I was driven by ideas of socialism. I now have to adapt with my current life. I couldn't be crossing roads with anyone whom disagrees woth what I am doing, even if that matters between doing the right and wrong thing to do.

What I could do is to continue to be myself in my own way. I will be studious, work hard and live happily. I'll have to be patient and keep unnecessary feelings away.

I will be myself in my own way.

Asyraf Amir. 20200620.