Crossroads

“Let’s try to meet again.”

He says, he wasn’t so sure of himself either. Quite unusual for someone to say the first time they have met.

“If we meet again, it sure is fate.” 

“Then what?”  she asked, trying to get where he wanted to get.

“Then, I’ll ask you out?” he figured, just to guess. She smirked, a little skepticism was felt on her side.

Of course. For people to immediately fall in love, that’s something ridiculous to happen. That's because almost no one ever does and you’ll likely to be cheated, at least that’s what he thinks. At the same time, that’s what she thought too. 

They parted, waved off goodbye, with their very own thoughts kept in their hearts, suppressed. And walk on opposite sideways.

Is it possible to be different and be together at the same time?

We all exists in an opposite kind of form. We conform to the law of opposites stated by Marx. Positive and negative atoms have a completely different entity, yet they are attracted to one another. Don’t we somehow exist in that way? How could we be ever separated? In that case, this seems ironic. Isn't he and she supposed to be together in some other ways?

Can we talk about "incompatibility", then?

Days passed by and Haris didn’t even look for her. Never even bugged to get her number on that day, or even wondered where she might be. Of course, the thought of her has never faded from the very moment they parted. He however, still hoping to meet her while doing his daily routine. To the class, to his room, to the cafe and wherever he needs to be.

She, Arissa on the other half does seem to care and expects him to search for her. If the world was somewhat made like a natural radar for everyone, Arissa would hope that Haris appeared on her cross hair. She hopes someday, on some millisecond that they would coincidentally meet each other or he came running down to her proclaiming "finally, I found you". She too, is doing her daily routines. 

Both are waiting, while technically doing nothing to search one another. Waiting like under the night of starry sky, for a meteorite to appear.

On a rainy Thursday, they met at a bus stop. It was already dark and misty from the gusty wind. They first saw each other on a crossroad while holding their own umbrellas. The rain ceased to a light sprinkle as both of them met, nullifying the need of umbrellas.

“Would you call it a fate, if it was with someone else?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” answered Haris.

“Why not?” 

A moment of silence ensued. Haris was running out of words. Arissa was preparing to hear an omen of bad premonition.

“If the feeling wasn’t there I wouldn’t fall for someone so easily. And once I set my eyes, I only look for her.”

“But did you really look for me?”

Silence reiterated again. What was it, that makes both of their tongues swallowed to the back of his throat, Haris wondered. He wanted to scream at his heart's content, but his feelings hindered his voice. Of cowardice and courage, his words froze to Arissa's persistence; the one who had hoped so much but did nothing to get to what she wanted.

“I did. And in a way, I waited. I didn’t want to make it complicated but I tried to look for you even when I didn’t plan to. I knew you wouldn’t be at the pavilion, under the bridge or even the crossroad that we first met. I still wait for you at the same place,” he answered. Haris' words splurge out of nowhere from his mouth. 

“I wouldn’t do it if it was just another person with a different kind of beauty or perfection. I’d probably wouldn’t look for you. But I followed my heart. That’s how I probably got to you,” he continued. 

“But we’re different.” She says. “You're far away from me. You lived in the cities. I lived far off near some village you have never heard off,” she paused. "We’re just different from everything. Our place, ethnicity, everything,”

"I'm sorry," Haris blurted. "I can't understand what I said just now. I can't understand myself,"

Confused and disfigured, both cannot fathom what was going on with their complex feelings. Arissa then blurted, "I can't understand myself either."

“I don't know, but I just know that I like you”, he says. 

"I like you too", she said.

Their frozen hands, numbs on a Thursday rainy night sky. With their umbrellas already closed, a kiss broke through their moisty lips, swallowing all awkwardness, fears and worries of being watched. Where did all that courage mustered, was all Haris could ever wondered of. 

The "barrier" has been dissipated. Was it a lie to assure each of their hearts are fated with their feelings entwined, that is something no one could ever be sure of. The case is now closed; with that passionate kiss under the yellow streetlights. No buses and people are in sight, to be as witnesses of the event. 

But for their very own reasons, they do not meet each other again. Who knew again, that both of them matured into something else that has been going 5 years ago. To each their own, following a thread of fate and got entangled into someone else's story. That was five years ago. Five years ago. If this is read by people and this story be passed on going from the year it was told, that'll be some years ago.

It is a lopsided story. For those who have never felt love as such, will probably say this is the most absurd form of love. Haris and Arissa have never felt love but lust, they say. Little do they know if it were to happen to their own story, they'd be thrown into illusive form of self-denial, thrown into the complexity of love. It does not make sense. It will never make any sense. What you saw yourself in the mirror was just irrationality. But that is love. It makes you irrational.

For Haris and Arissa, their hands and hearts were intact to know what they wanted at the time. Whereas the space and time continuum goes on, their love thrives through an energy that burns out of the feeling of loneliness and fears. Finally, their love was so short-live. Only to leave traces of past time, which one and another was connected through time and space.

Some of you ask, why didn't they stay together?

Probably because of fate, does not allow them do so.

The kiss and the feelings stayed, only as a secret to remember.

Asyraf Amir. 20161210.

*

I looked at the date created from the properties of the document, it was December 10th 2016.

I could be studying but I also could be procrastinating out of writing.

Or that I smoke too much.

Could be.

Asyraf Amir. 20190322.