Alone.

Somewhere in Swiss border. 

"AMIR!"
"Hey."
"I saw you were alone, walking all by yourself. What's wrong?"

That made me paused for a while.
But really. I didn't expect people to notice it.
But I guess I'm used to it. So it's fine.

I was so used to be alone. In fact I didn't mind being alone in front of everyone.

I don't know. I just didn't know. There was a feeling inside me where it made me stronger and smile while I was in a crowd of people whom I don't know or just anywhere on this earth. I feel very much someone is beside me. And that someone was from years ago. But I don't like sticking to old things. It makes me feel sick and regret of doing the things you did.

I'm kinda different but I know that I am not the only one who is like this. I'm the type of person who doesn't stick into one specific group and go altogether other than my bloodbrothers. I'm the type where I would virtually mix around with anybody or just everyone whom I knew. So you'll always get the questions like, "do you know this guy? we were best buddies back then!" As simple as that kind of reason, we became friends. The world isn't small, but the people is. But in the end, you'll still be alone at times.

Travelling around the world and switching from one school to another has its bad sides. Like you won't get to stick with your old friends as much as before. You will have to find another buddy to suit your life up. Finding friends. It was hard at first. Moreover, language was another problem I faced. Everytime I would stutter between 3 languages when I'm talking with my friends, family and teachers.
It's like juggling 3 balls while riding bicycle. Of course it's hard. That explains while sometimes I stuttered. I was used to it. That made me a loner for a while. I can't speak nor talk in their language. It was too foreign. Haha. That 10 year old kid. But I continued to learn, to adapt to it.

I was like everyone, or even like you. I was just a timid little kid who doesn't talk much back then.

Well. I thought he might react if I push him, scare him or what. He didn't. haha. Trafalgar Square?

But having to switch from one school to another, taught me how to build up my own confidence, how to stand up in front of people without screwing yourself up. Of course there would be times where I did, screwed. But yes, humans learn from their mistakes. It's better to do something like that when you're still a kid. Otherwise everyone remembers your awkward moments, then post it on twitter/facebook. haha.

Then I came back here. Again. I was alone. Everything was really foreign. I had only little tidbits of my childhood past here. It's not as much like back when I was in Swiss. Barely no one remembers me. But luckily I got to stay in KL. So there was a few people
who knew me.

Imagine having to live in your own country felt so foreign towards you. It was hard to adapt at first. But I tried my best to study, socialize and everything. It took me months or probably a year to get myself understand what was I learning at school. I was a slow-learner, but I didn't mind being one. Everyone knew I wasn't the type of person who would get himself to calculations.

Indeed one learns lots of things when he/she goes to boarding school. I learned how to be strong when things get tough and complex.
I learned how to stay calm when you're given a problem or lost in nowhere. I just learn many things in life and above all, I learn how to survive when you're alone. Imagine you're lost in a foreign country. You wanna go back to your home. What would you do? haha.

When you've been to many places in this world, you will meet lots of people. All kinds of people in this world, regardless of their country, race, skin color and gender. You can already know how do they react with other people. So being alone, is not wrong. Nothing
is wrong with being alone.

I came across a quote on a board. It was something like, "When you're alone, God is with you." It was something like that. That made me feel slightly happy after a stressful day.

When you're alone, you can see how beautiful the world is. I don't know, this is from my point of view.

When you're on the streets and cities, you see how beautiful the people across the streets are. Their clothes, their looks. Some of them looks cool. For example, like the girls. Lol, I randomly ran into a Korean girl last time in KL, Central Market. She was lost. haha.

Aside from that you can see how beautiful the skies are, how beautiful is the skyline and how the neon lights and everything turned your city into one of the most beautiful places on earth like our KL.
You don't have to go as far as Paris, Seoul, Tokyo or anywhere on earth. That made you happy, for no definite reason. And yes, when you're alone.

You can also look into yourself, how many mistakes have you done and chose to forget it. Then you would feel determined to start new things. You just feel as if the world was yours. You just wished you have the wings to fly when you see a plane crossing the sky.

But yes, I am just normal like everyone. Deep inside me, I wished there was someone out there whom I can share what I see, hear and smell.

There are many things I wished to do. One of it was to feel the season of spring and winter again. The wind was obviously chilly. Especially in winter. Spring? It is sunny, but it isn't hot outside. It's cold, but not like you don't need those thick jackets or wear layers of t-shirts. It's very beautiful when it's spring. You can see lots of maple leaves grew green and the streets are covered by it. The flowers blossoms. It's just beautiful. One of the flowers I wanna touch and see is cherry blossom. I really like
when they blossom in a garden. It looks beautiful. From where did I see? There's always the internet.

But enough with the seasons and yes, were getting off topic a little. haha.
When I said "The hardest part of happiness is finding a reason to stay happy.", they said it was easy. Just smile and be happy. The reality is they too, experienced the same thing. Being happy is harder than "being sad". Though nobody wanna "be sad". So much for everything, easier said than done I guess. Ironic. haha.

"Being alone and lonely, are two different things." - Osaki Nana.
Asyraf Amir. 20120916.