June to Summer.

Good Morning and Goodbye hair. I have grown you for 6 months straight out. haha.

Hmm? It's nearing June already, almost. But with the speed of our youthful times, we are getting our years very near to our career/occupational life right? Well, we got 4 to 5 years to enjoy so I guess. haha.
I went on privatized my blog for almost a week. It turned out it was boring ditching it, as if TV and internet lost its use. Don't get me wrong, but there were lots of spams for some reason. Beats me.

It rained this morning. I can feel the wind blowing to my face gently. In fact even already inside my house, I can still feel the wind. The sky is clear, grey, gradually turning sunny, but it is still cold. Very much reminds me of Swiss, which was the place I grew up, where most of my childhood memories are there. But it's not like I am so carefree and not worrying anything. I enjoyed very much moments of calms like this. Listening to music, writing blog and not thinking of anything that is heavy. Very much, calming.
I didn't know how long and until when can I stay like this. Perhaps I should just enjoy moments like this for awhile, while waiting my future to draw up and time comes by itself, God's will. It's really neutral feeling, you can smile all day long.

Not to that extent where it is for "a long time". Of course, there is a limit, a full stop. Where you need to do something and work hard about the future. That's me.

Today's entry, is about memories. Which I wanted to share them with everyone. Not my memories, but my perspective of memories. I guess everyone has worries of stepping outside. Everyone heard of those whom get straight As and everything. Not promoting, but here's another side of story which I think you should hear.

What I wanted to say probably is too general, too big, nor too hard to understand. But I have changed and switched schools and migrated to lots of country. I can say my memories have pretty much short time limit. I know when will I have to leave already, the exact date when will I have to go back to Malaysia for example. I know when will I have to leave my old school to new school. I don't fault anyone or myself. Probably it's fate. It's a unique experience, but at the same time kinda sad.  What to do, it's youth life.

At first, I was kinda scared too when I was 10, of moving forward, of new things, but it's different now. I am not now. I looked forward for new things like new place of studying, and just by looking at other people working hard at their new places, you kinda have some courage to do better.

You shouldn't be worrying of small things like "will people forget me?" or anything. The world we lived have never shrink. It gets bigger. Challenges gets tougher. And life gets much complex.
Memories are made as long as you lived in this world, it gets older and time moves on, without thinking to wait you.

That paranoia of you will be forgotten shouldn't be there. It's like pictures, the film gets old, the picture would probably fade its color, but why should we ever "lived" into that picture? Shouldn't we be moving on, before we even missed something? After all, we have our own path. Our very own, path.

Long ago, I realized when you're doing something, you shouldn't let your feelings of "missing" things bother you much. It's good to have it, but you have to deal with it. Otherwise, you'll live a life where you will be looking back through a picture and living with an empty pride. Nothing comes out from it. I'm not saying you should be forgetting about old stuff like your friends and what you used to do. But you should be more like swimming with the speed of wave you're going. Don't rush and don't go back. There's no use of it. Otherwise you'll always be under your imaginary shelter, crying because of what happened.

To be honest, there's a lot of things I learned, before going to RMC, when I was in RMC and after I left RMC. It was really the school that taught me a lot of things of life. Not that make it big or praising much, it was kinda a boring place compared to SABKL.

A lot of people said things like "I really missed you a lot" and probably we're getting to that point either. But when we're somewhere in this world, alone, those words and sentence-like really did meant something for us. Probably we didn't exactly say it everyday of course. But it's a proof that we existed somewhere in their heart. I'm saying this because I have gone through it before. Seeing other people saying it at Twitter somewhat bothers me, I didn't want them to spend their life asking "why" for a very long time, where I used to do.

After reading this blog and you closed it, maybe you will never even visit this blog. But it really didn't matter for me. That goes as well as life. Probably after this, you won't be seeing your friends anymore. That would be the last. You shouldn't be crying, but smile because that was probably the best last moments you've had.

I'm not sad leaving a lot of places at all, and living there for a short amount of time, compared to other people. I'm happy that I have once existed there, experience and lived those kinds of atmosphere. I didn't really much care if they didn't missed me. As long I have the kind of memory I lived with them, that's good enough. I'm happy that I have met a lot of people around the world. Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Malay, English, Americans whatever.
But of course, Malaysia is the best. Because you get all kinds of people like Malay, Chinese and Indians here. haha.

So don't be afraid to pursue something. The really important thing is how you enjoyed it, how you worked your way through it and how well did you lived.
Many did not know "living to the fullest" means also going through sad, laughing, happy, worry and all sorts of things. However it's up to you, how you put up things in your life. I just tell things, a part of what I lived.

It's really cold outside. I wonder. ;)
I love blasting my headphone alone, with coffee on the table, of course. haha.

Asyraf Amir. 20100525.