Superman.

Almost everyday it rains. Only a cup of coffee would expel the coldness I feel.

Tell me, have you chosen anything wrong in our path, that we skidded through halfway? Would've it become better if we have stopped and think properly, where should we want to go before choosing which road we wanna go, on a crossroad?

Roads we see today are full of people. Crossing the streets. Cars running and cruising through. They took cellphone, walk on halfway talking to people. Others laugh. While others enjoy sightseeing as we see the usual on Pavillion KL and Bukit Bintang roads. 

What do they worry in their life, anyways? Somewhere there, they must've felt one.

I always thought, if I could become something like Superman or my personal favorite, Captain America. Why not I have a power, at least something for my own better or others? Like helping people. If there was one, that would be my family.

If I wield a sword, will I be able to protect my family? If I become a soldier, will I be able to die honorably? If I have a power, will I stay on top? Shall I accurately say, to those who are similar to me, if I have time, will I be able to go back and change it?

All of these questions have one answer. Nevertheless that, no one can answer, unless they know what I really mean.

If you have felt there was a chance previously inside you, then the chance faded away to the drain, at that moment you realized something bigger in your life. 

You were once someone like "Captain America". You've had powers. But you lost them gradually.

You will ask, "where did that power go?" or "why didn't luck shower me like I was back then?" A sword that becomes rusty is no longer sharper. That is what it is. Powerless. And unable to help your loved ones. 

Sooner there would be am anecdote in your life. How much have you learned to be strong. How far have you accepted truth. Answers in life are always cruel, yet very true. 

It's like when someone says "You're weak." You don't want to accept. Yet you still swirl your sword, while you know someone have already stabbed you and you're moving with cuts. 

The only answer to every certain pain you feel furious to what has happen you is time and yourself. Time is the antidote that you are taking, as well as poison that you consume at the same time.

A child could only cry or take a permanent solution to end a temporary problem: suicide. He/she could not handle the truth. Because he was powerless. Lack of strength. Lack of will to continue.

Or probably because he does not have the chance to change, to gain powers like others? He does not seek it.

Everyday I look up a reason to live. A reason to fear, as much as other people think they did. I am normal, like other humans who wakes up, prays, eat and sleep. The only power and strength I have left now to face truth of getting accepted or rejected from what I applied for to study, is faith.

This is what I wanted to write about. The feeling of gratefulness.

Will I still be able to gain my powers, just like back then in my glorious days? Will it come back?

Who knows?

Asyraf Amir. 20120420.