If I Had A Wife.

Most people would tell their wishes about marriage. How many guests they wanted to have. How big they want the ceremony. Bla bla bla.

If not about that, they'll be talking about how many cute kids they wanted to raise or how many cats should they breed in their house. The problem is, cats needed attention and by the time you went back in front of your doorstep, she'll beg you to feed her. If that's not the problem, you'll deal with how disgruntled she could be or how she'll make a bitchface to you. Go away, hooman. Meow.

Well at most I'll look forward to honeymoons, like enjoying crazy streetfoods in Indonesia, enjoying cherry blossoms in Japan, enjoying corals and beaches around Malaysia or simply got lost in the borders of Mongolia and China. Doesn't it sound like being in Indiana Jones than a proper honeymoon? That's what I'm after!

But hey, I'm a little different. I look for something you can always repeat or enjoy for an uncountable number of times. You can't expect to fork out a large sum of money to throw a party for an old geezer and a hag. Or you can't expect a grandpa and a grandma doing backflips and summersaults into a waterfall at the age of 70. That's fucking nuts.

So, what will I do? I'll cook her a full course menu.

Yes, you heard it. While she's out busy working in the office, I'll have mega plenty of time to prep.

First thing first is I gotta make sure the oven and stove is alright. Then make a list of menu like what I can prepare.

I personally love steaks. Sous-vide, juicy and medium rare. But more than often I found restaurants that I usually went are appalling. My expectations is simply unworthy for what I paid. So in conclusion, I found solace and ultimate satisfaction in cooking.

But main course doesn't have to be steaks or chicken chops. I also preferred going gung-ho on seafood. Seared scallops, broiled mussels with lemongrass, tuna steak sauced with and basically whole lot more.

Oof. I talked too much. What about appetizer? The most simplest thing you could do is tempura prawns. Sure tempura prawns are laughable. Go ahead. Laugh. But what makes it special is what you serve with it. I found joy to go au pair with Hollandaise sauce.

I'm not sure if my future wife loves cheese. And no. I'm not talking about the cheese you sinfully put in your burgers and bananas. Some of you went extra fucking ridiculous by  putting cheddar on char kuey teow. What the hell?

I love blue cheese. I love the melting sensation in the mouth, leaving a unique after taste, eaten with crackers or enjoyed with a creamy soup. I've tasted gouda and swiss cheese. But I found the creamier the cheese is, the better. Like, gorgonzola. Heh.

And then desserts. Apple crumble is great but have you tried apple meringue? People rarely do meringue with apple but I find the sweet and sour taste goes well with the texture of the baked whipped cream on top.

But forget about meringues with ice cream for a while. It all seems too plain. Not a single one of you thought about Mont Blanc or Tiramisu. Do you? I'll have all the biscotti soaked in espresso. Usually Tiramisu recipes had alcohol in it. To emulate the taste, I'll replace it with carbonated water or infusing tonic with sweetened vanilla. I've done Tiramisu before but I've not made the ones with alcohol replacement. I'm gonna find out later in the holidays. Next, I'm gonna whip all those white eggs with heavy cream. Ha! Jokes on you. Who the hell said I'm gonna waste everything? That yolk I separated can be used to make Hollandaise sauce.  With layers of biscotti and cream alternating, next will be grating a bar of dark chocolate on top, sprinkling some nutmeg too on top. Now usually people opt for Milo but fucking hell guys for once, leave Milo aside for this special occasion. Come on. Buy anything you think it's different and you can get a decent amount of price. I choose a bar of Lindt dark chocolate because I like the taste and how it melts in mouth after biting.

Finally just right after she got home, I'll forcefully push her to the bathroom to shower and asked her to surprise my eyes of what she'll wear. Put some cologne and perm the hair. I like women with perms. But if she doesn't like it well doesn't matter. I'll just wear my usual black slacks and flowery motifs long sleeves. Who needs ties and tux when you're at home.

As she step into the living room with her black dress, I'll pull the chair for her and settle down. No candles, no problem because my lights are all environmentally friendly and dim (did I mentioned I renovated my room? no, seriously I did).

I'll deliver the full course menu to her. We'll talk and eat over a drink of sparkling juice and mocktails. That joy. After that, we'll have a sexy night. Who cares about other people? We are in our most comfortable place.

But that is, if I had a wife.

The real question is, who'll do the dishes?

Err.
Asyraf Amir. 20190512.