I ditched writing for a very long time.

I've never wrote such a long title to write something.

Blogger used to be something that I used to express myself. I didn't remember when that ever changed however, I think at times it bothered me. It irritates me when I ask myself "why didn't I write today" question after something momentous happened in my life. At the time, I felt the sense of insecurity of "what ifs" in every narrative I wrote. I wanted to write about happiness, but there was a worrying factor of what will happen. In fact, it didn't even happen. And I hate the fact that I speculated something that I didn't even wanted to happen. Which later became half-way written or just scrapped to the bin.

Fuck. Do I even make sense to you guys?

What's new about me?

I've always thought of the idea of making peace with your past.
Let's say you had unsettled feelings with your old friends who fought with you in the past and you wanted to make sure that you & him are in good terms or at least, forgiven each other.

Or you have unsettled feelings with your ex and you wanted to make sure that at least, both sides forgiven each other.

In that way, you can move on with your life without having any sense of regrets.

Tell you what, it works!

After I went for a Navy interview, I packed my bags to leave for Sarawak. And I thought about it for a very long time. It was the "fuck it, whatever happens, happens" feeling. And so I did. It was the perfect time since I already passed my portfolio and released my post to officially to my boss. Then I was free as a bird.

I landed Kuching at exactly 1900H. 7.00PM.

The feeling when I landed Kuching was momentous. I was excited. Looking forward to meet everyone. And when I arrived UNIMAS, the east gate was the same as ever when I first arrived there 3 years ago.

The week I spent was mostly related to PALAPES things. But it wasn't so much as I had experienced as a cadet. What was more exciting than this was seeing back my old life. The trees that I see everyday, the air that I smelled everyday, the people that I meet everyday. Those things had never seemed to disappear from the back of my mind.

I did everything that I could. From laughing like mad to pulling pranks like I never really got to do when I was working. It was fun.

The night that I stepped away from the airport, I felt sad for my friend Shaikh who sent me on Tuesday. I later knew today he was sending a friend of mine, who will be reporting to become Air Force officer. I didn't get Air Force because there wasn't any placement.

Then they put me into Navy. There you go. One Navy, One Air Force.

The fact that my friend had to sent two guys to the airport for one final time was saddest moment of all. We never knew if that could be one of the last few moments we see each other.

And that was the same thing as everyone else.

I also looked back to the lake that I fell in love with a girl back then. Next to the UNIMAS lake. It was pleasing sight, in fact memorable. But a story is a story to be remembered. I will well remember the moments and move on. I had nothing else to lose.

Goodbye Sarawak. I missed everyone of you.

And everyone of you will be missed.

Asyraf Amir. 20180413.