Sunshine & Rain.

. . .

lundi 30 mars 2015

March 9th.

I guess I ran out of words to say, or to tell.
I would tell to the whole world, I have pretty much lots of things to say. It's just that I couldn't translate them into simple words, then typed it out over here.

It's just too hard. Too big. I guess if there's a recorder for my life I would, typed it out long.

The title is contrary to the date which I am writing now.
That is because every March 9, I would write something about my whole life and my thoughts like usual.

Today is a little bit different. It's what I always forgot to do, for years.

Hey there.


Eunis.

I don't really know whether you would read this little part of my post.
Remember that gift cover? Yeah, it was the mentos and the little book that you gave me before I left to RMC.
I still keep it as a momento.

The little book that you gave me, I always kept it close to me.
The jungles I've been through. The swaths. I wrote every of my little thoughts and poetries in that book.
The cover was worn out. It was beautifully black at first, but scratches were everywhere because I always brought it with me. Be the jungles, the beaches I go to my very dorm. Always.

I recalled after my military morning parade, that I was so tired after it ended because we had class soon after that.
Stressed, waking up at 3 AM in the morning to make sure everything our uniform was perfect and our rooms are tidy, punishment and everything.

I recalled how beautiful the trees are outside. It was so evergreen as if the season spring existed in Malaysia.
More to the outside were flowers that blossom beautifully, pluming petals and if you walked underneath those trees you could see the petals scattering on the ground. Ever still, so beautiful. Yet somehow, looked sacred-like beauty.

It was sunny but it wasn't too hot because there's little wind. With the sheep like clouds drawn on the blue skyline.

Everything, was contenting. And wonderful.

That was when your book became a source of my motivation to continue, to live and a purpose to set my goals to achieve.

Hard times, is all I could say. Yes, it is a source of motivation during my hard times.

Be sunny, rain, thunderstorm, hell I would still write.

But on one morning I woke up and it was all gone. And that was when I was in Form 5. I couldn't find where was that book. And I couldn't figure out where my things are. I never knew who took it or how was it lost. Even the bag that I carry over to my class everyday was gone.

I was frustrated. Because almost half of what I wrote was gone.
Luckily I had the habit of scribbling at pieces of paper and an old exercise book that I used to write things there.
I was angry at myself, for losing it.

Still I was sad. I lost it. I should've kept it on my locker or back at home in KL.

But after a very long time after that, I went over it. Because of that book you gave me, it gave me even more the spirit to continue to write almost "anything" that I wanted to write. Regardless of where, when or what.

I'm sorry that I lost the book. I guess the fault was on me because I didn't take care of it really well.
Ironically at the same time I really wanted to thank you for giving it to me.
Because it was sort of became an aspiration and inspiration for me to write.

Until today, the old exercise book that I used to write things and scribble my thoughts is still here. And some of my writings I wrote on the book you gave me is there. But the rest was all gone, not known, beyond everyone's knowledge.

It's been a very long time we didn't exchange our thoughts or what. The last you asked me where was I studying, I can't remember what year and when. But at that time, I was "beating around the bush" with your questions because I didn't want to tell everyone where I was studying.

I was at matrics for two years, doing science.

I had no interests of learning science stream, even the thought of pursuing science. So yes. I was called a lot of times by my Head of Programme. And the thought of being a pilot or a military officer when I was in RMC, was all gone.

Because I couldn't really see what I really wanted to do in the near future.

That was why, in short I was ashamed of what I am.

I was completely lost at that time. I didn't know what to do. And at one point I wasn't myself. Because I felt like I had failed everything in life.

Now it's different. I am UNIMAS, Sarawak. Blending in with the cultures and local customs when I do fieldwork. It all seems fun and great.

Oh. I'm majoring in Political Science. Apparently there's a military reserve officer training unit here. I thought why not, I join them. One of the few reasons was though, you get a college and a place to stay. haha.

It's funny when your past dreams, don't become one of your dreams anymore.
Not to boast.

But it wasn't so bad. The training was lighter than I had in RMC. And that may be because I had a military background.

So what of it, anyways haha.

I learned a lot about people.
I learned a lot about life.
I learned a lot about how to enjoy.
I learned a lot about sorrow.
I learned a lot about happiness.

I found out that I always had lived myself with memories. It all seems contenting to rekindle your past and cherish them.
Happiness isn't something you wait to come at you.
Happiness is something you have to search by yourself.

The world is big. Now I had an even more simpler dream; to travel anywhere in this world.
I became envious of my friends around me backpacking. Bali lah. New Zealand lah.
And me yes, I'm going slowly and steady. Still exploring bits of the wonders in Sarawak. Like the
Santubong. The jungles here. And oh, Malaysia.

Lastly.

I didn't mind if you didn't read this. I don't know if you still come here to read my writings or whatsoever bits to dots over here. I haven't changed the title of this blog "Meteorite" for a very long time.

I wouldn't blame you if you're bored or what. Or if you didn't noticed this post.
It's damn long and you might've thought that I just put whatever thoughts I had on my mind and pile them up together in one place. haha.

But no. I always thought carefully of my words.
Even if I am not so sure, perhaps more like I don't know if there are relevant to you or not, I used the best of my logical sense to think, this is the best I could write to you.

What I really wanted to say is, thank you.
Thank you for being a friend of mine. And I'm sorry for losing that book. I really did tried to keep it safe at my very best. But it was gone, without my knowledge.

It such a long time we haven't had a conversation. I will definitely miss the times we talked and joked. It's funny to remember how such small things turned old.

I used to stutter a lot when I talk, sounding like a goldfish in a bowl talking English. Now, no. That I can assure you, and everyone else. haha.

I'm just a different person now. And I'm sure you are, too.
Humans changed, everyone changed, throughout times.

Wherever you are, I wish happiness and a great health for you.
Wherever you go, I wish happiness will follow you up.

Smile. Whatever happens, wherever you are.
Asyraf Amir. 20150317.

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